Respond, If You Please
The French phrase, “Responders Sil Vous Plait,” is best known by its abbreviation, “RSVP.” Translated, it means “please respond,” and in military social circles, the request isn’t just polite, it requires a timely response. According to Basics From The Barracks: Military Etiquette And Protocol, which dedicates an entire page to the topic, RSVP means “respond, if you please” and requires a prompt yes or no response – within 48 hours, if at all possible.
More Than Just Good Manners
The RSVP is very important to the hostess, because whether it’s a wedding, coffee, tea, or birthday party, a timely response allows the individual or group hosting the event to prepare or order the appropriate quantities of food and beverages for those attending. Even for a function scheduled to be held at a restaurant, the host or organizing committee is accountable to the venue for providing an accurate head count in order to ensure adequate seating and food. Simply put, responding in a timely manner permits the host to plan properly and stay within budget.
The Unspoken Rule
If the RSVP includes a phone number or email, either of those modes of communicating your intent to attend is appropriate, as is a message sent by text (as long as you remember to include your name with the text message). The rule of etiquette is, if you do not send your regrets, you are expected to attend the function. It is important to note that your response should never be given in person – no fair telling your host, when you cross paths at the commissary, “Hi! I’m so glad we bumped in to each other, and by the way, we’ll both be at the party next Friday.” These days, with technology such a large part of our daily routines, you are quite likely to receive – and probably have already — an electronic RSVP. When that happens, the same rules still apply. Your response – albeit more economical and earth friendly than a written note sent via snail mail – is needed. The electronic RSVP even prompts you to visit a site where you are then prompted to click on either the “accept” or the “decline” button. You could not ask for a more efficient way to respond, and the added bonus is that you don’t have to concern yourself with envelopes and stamps, or remembering to drop your response in the mail.
Important Tips
Emergencies happen, and if one happens to you after you have already told the host that you will be attending an event, you should call as soon as possible to explain the situation.. You never want to bypass this basic common courtesy, as many of the functions military spouses attend involve a great deal of planning and sometimes significant out of pocket expenses on the part of the host. On a final note, do keep in mind that you should only reply on behalf of family members who were invited by name – if your children were not specifically invited, it isn’t your place to bring them. Exceptions to this rule would include the more informally addressed invitation that states that your invitation includes a “plus one,” or “and spouse,” or “and family.”
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