Guest Blog Post by Angela Vega
Updated July 9, 2016
Congratulations, all you newlywed military spouses, and welcome to this new and beautiful chapter in your lives! Military life has its ups and downs, but I after almost 4 years as an Army wife, I have learned that with the right mindset, the positives far outweigh the negatives. I’ve learned a few other things too, like…
Keep Things in Perspective
A life with my soldier meant leaving behind my home, my family and friends I have known since kindergarten. Adjusting to life as a military spouse isn’t easy…you give up your job, your routine, and in many ways, you give up your identity. But when I got married, my Dad gave me some great advice that I turn to often
“Angela, Dad said, “Remember that in marriage, each person always thinks they are doing more in the relationship than the other.”
It took a while, but I eventually discovered what he meant. It’s like this…as a military wife, no matter how hard I work or how much recognition I deserve for that work, I’ve learned that sometimes I have to take a backseat to the military. But the more important lesson is
that playing second fiddle to the military doesn’t mean my husband loves the military more than he loves me. What it means is that because he loves me, he is willing to do whatever it takes to do a good job at work so he can provide for his family, and sometimes that means that the Army sees a lot more of him than I do.
Adapt and Be Self Sufficient
When I moved to Fort Bragg from Michigan, I had to get used to a new environment, make a home where I didn’t know anyone except for maybe one or two of his friends. I had to find a new job, develop a routine and work hard to make new friends. None of it was easy. I had all those things back home – routine, job, friends – only to give them up and then turn around to work hard at getting them again. And I’ll be repeating the process soon. We’re getting ready to PCS – my first move, (and it’s to Italy!), but I’ll get back to that.
I’ve learned not to get frustrated when my husband is gone all day, or all week, or more than a week for work and can’t even call me because there is no service where he is. I’ve learned to keep my cool when he doesn’t want to talk, not because he doesn’t love me, but because he just can’t talk.
And – this is important – you learn to do things alone. If there is one thing that I would share with someone new to military life, it’s this. GET A HOBBY. It can be anything, but you have to have your own interests, your own routine, and your own friends outside of your relationship with your husband. Trust me, I learned the hard way!
When I moved to Fort Bragg, my entertainment revolved around my husband. When he wasn’t there I really didn’t go out and do anything. I didn’t know anyone and didn’t have any connections to the community, so when he got home from work – tired from being up since 4 a.m. – there I was ready to play, and all he wanted to do was veg out. But I learned, and you will too. Just be open to it.
Get Involved, Meet People and Make Friends
If you aren’t working outside the house, find a class or group, join a gym, or check on base for programs. Facebook has a ton of pages for groups and activities here at Ft. Bragg, and they are a great place to start. You can join in on discussions, ask questions, and meet other wives who are interested in similar things.
Keep an open mind. It’s hard to open yourself up to new friendships if you limit yourself to looking for the friends you left behind. The reality is, you may not develop relationships like you had with your best friends back home, but you can make new friends who share your lifestyle and understand your situation. You might not see it at first, but in no time these women will become your mini family. You’ll spend your holidays and special events with them. You’ll be there for them, and they’ll be there for you.
Always Look On the Bright Side
Know this. Just when you feel settled in, you’ll have to pick up and start all over again, but it’s not a bad thing. Think of it as an adventure, an opportunity to travel the world. My little family now calls Vicenza, Italy home, and the way I see it, I can complain about moving even farther away from family and friends to be alone for holidays and birthdays, or I can choose to be excited about the chance to see a new country, learn a new culture, to expose my son to a new language.
There are other benefits that I’ve learned to enjoy, like great medical care. In this day and age of expensive health care costs, we have it pretty good. I’m not saying that Tricare is always easy to navigate. You have to be careful to always follow the guidelines, but it’s definitely affordable!
So, to the military newlyweds I say, “Welcome to the club!” Take each day as it comes, remember to show your spouse and family how much you appreciate them, and embrace your new lifestyle to the fullest!
About Angela
Angela met her soldier six years ago and weathered her first deployment before they were even engaged. Married for almost four years, Angela balances work and family with her passion for photography and her love of exploring new places and meeting new people.
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